im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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