I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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