After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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