Umm I'm too high to move.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
