How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
