guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
