Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
