ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
