Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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