I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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