Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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