I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize