at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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