I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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