my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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