I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
