I wanna passion pit in your ass
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize