weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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