dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
