just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
