well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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