Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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