why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
