That's intense
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
