A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
