Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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