I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
