the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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