not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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