i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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