I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
MIDGETS
????
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
