youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
