Your face is a jimmy john
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
