Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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