it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
