WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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