FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
