If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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