That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
