dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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