did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
