Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
