The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
