I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
