Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
