My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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