What a fucking waste of an outfit
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
