Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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