if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He passed out mid-signature
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
