i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
