You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
