i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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