Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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