The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
