just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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