Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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