Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
