I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
