And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
