You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
