guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
