Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯