have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.