So how was he last night?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies