that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
