I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
