We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
