My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
