I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
