let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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