dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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