Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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